1. Green Beans
2. Mushrooms
3. Crackers
4. Cheddar Cheese
5. Lipton Cold Brew Ice Tea (cause that’s how we roll)
6. Garlic
7. Patriotism
8. Mental Illness
*this list had been made two nights earlier at a local bar, we had forgotten about it and they almost had to ask us to leave the store becuase we both lost it. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
The point is not that I live in big dumb Kansas, the point is that sure, we can question evolution in our "schools." We apparently can do whatever we need to to send this state flying back to the early 1900’s, but why stop there? I guess my question was answered today when in reading this news; off to the left of the page there was another headline that stated "Syphillis Cases Rise Across Nation," which explains everything.
I’ve been staring at the business end of a bottle of cold medicine for too long now. This weekend it came to a head when driving to a tournament I decided to take some cough suppressant (pill form) I was tired of the liquid. Sitting at the stop light I popped them in my mouth but while I was opening my bottle of water the gag reflex was not having it, I threw up in my mouth, more than a little bit, so I decided to roll the window down (keep in mind it’s dark and raining) and just throw up outside the door. Bigger plans have been foiled, I ended up throwing up on my shoulder, the inside of the car door and inside the window. Yesssssss.
The following are excerpts from notes taken in my Pathology class. They are not only important for the test but also can be applied to real life.
1. Bibles are made for throwing.
2. Hair grows on your stump, if you have one.
3. We assessed that an arm or a leg is worth about 1 million dollars, at least that is what I would ask for if I lost mine due to gross negligence. At that point I would use the money to buy a hook and an eye patch and maybe a hat.
4. The professor just said cochi, (pronounced cock eye) look like balls.
5. Soon I will know that secret mortuary science handshake.
6. Once again today our professor explained in detail how to do different kinds of drugs, without meaning to…
7. Nancy, it is not appropriate to use the term "ass" in class. (I miss HC)
8. When someone who is already annoying takes three pain killers to "get through the day" it does not make them less annoying.
9. If I grew a cyst and it grew eyes or teeth or a fetal rib, I would name it either Felix or Bill and it’s last name would be "The Cyst."
Living in Kansas City, Kansas is like being a permanent guest on the Jerry Springer show. The problem, of course, is I don’t get to meet Springer and am left without any help from Steve the bouncer.
I understand how evil it is for me to go to Wal-Mart, it is, however, the closest thing to us that has a lot of crap that I might need every once in a great while. After today’s excursion, I vow to never go again. I listened to conversations with words such as "baby daddy," "Ah swer ta god, if ya don shape up im gonna take this beeta back to the shef an you won git notin but a beatin." This second "converstaion" carried on and on between a 15 year old (who was apparently sleeping with some guy named Terrell, who stayed over last night,) and her mother, who was wearing the requiste grey spandex and had no teeth.
Go Cougars!
The stop watch reign of terror is finally over. After living here for 1 month and 2 weeks I finally found the stop watch that would go off for a mintue straight at 10:12 every morning. It was excruciating. Somehow evolution taught it to throw its voice so as to befuddle predetors. Said watch came to a horrific demise at exactly 10:12 this morning. Please send all donations to the family. Amen.
Tired of fighting Ninja’s all night in my sleep I made the mistake of getting up far to early. I am tired, crazy pissed, and lonely. Others sleep is not as restless as my own. But I must go back to the fight. Also my horoscope is inaccurate at best for this entire week. I am seething.
